With Each Wind
by frigginapplepie
Summary: James and Lily die at the hands of Voldemort, and it is discovered that Peter was the one who betrayed them. Now, the only problem left at the hands of the remaining two Marauders is teaching Harry the ways of the Wizarding World, and teaching him of the


**Here we are, beta'ing the first bit. First, about my methods, I usually add coments in bold and any extra words or punctuation will also be bolded. If I feel that you used too many words I'll cross it like this. **

**Always keep your original! What I suggest is that you open both this and your original document and read whatever corrections I made. Also keep in mind that while typos or grammatical mistakes have to be corrected, everything else is just suggestions. You don't have to follow them.**

**Ok, now for the beta part…**

With Each Wind

Disclaimer: I do not own thee, and likely never will.

The autumn breeze drifted through his hair, upsetting his bangs, tossing them in turmoil. Just as quickly as it had come, the gust of wind was lost to another area of the park.

Pulling his dark sports jacket tighter around his shoulders, the messy-haired boy walked slowly and carefully with a practiced casualty developed through the years of his childhood, stopping at an age-old and careworn oak tree, bushes flanking it on either side. **That sentence should be rephrased. First of all, it's too long. You should divide it in two. For example: "_Pulling his dark sports jacket tighter around his shoulders, the messy-haired boy walked slowly and carefully with a practiced casualty developed through the years of his childhood._** **_He stopped at an age-old and careworn oak tree, bushes flanking it on either side."_**

'**_walked slowly and carefully'_ I think that walking slowly is a part of walking carefully, so you're just repeating and you do the same thing with _'with a practiced casualty developed through the years of his childhood.' _You don't need practiced in there, because while you develop it, you're practicing. Remember, never use thirty words when you can use three.**

**Finally, '_careworn oak tree, bushes flanking it on either side' _could be improved as well. Either is used like this: Either this or that, so you'd only have one side with bushes. If you mean like bushes in right and left sides you should use 'both'. If you mean bushes all around it… then you shouldn't use the word flanking.**

**In the end it would look something like this: "**Pulling his dark sports jacket tighter around his shoulders, the messy-haired boy walked carefully, with a casualty developed through the years of his childhood. He stopped at an age-old and careworn oak tree with bushes flanking it on both sides"

He looked up at the rough and threadbare bark, running a hand over the ripples of wood. A burning sensation arose in him: a joy to be back at the spot.

He smiled gently at the memories the tree brought back to him. Keeping his fingers lightly pressed against the trunk, he slowly made his way around it, eyeing it the entire time, bits of bush-needles spraying the ground as the coat rubbed against them. He stopped when his fingers his smooth wood.** Hum? There's a word missing there. Maybe you meant "when his fingers touched its smooth wood"… But if the trunk is rough it can't be smooth. Clear this out, will you?**

A large, flat surface pasted itself to the center of the rind. Whether it was natural or not, very few people knew. But the hazel-eyed boy did. And he knew the legend behind the words etched deeply into it as well.

"Here," the boy said, pausing for dramatic effect. He slowly slid** his** hands from their spot covering the girl's eyes.

"James!" the girl squealed in delight, peering around at the scene that unfolded before her. A blanket **laid** spread out at the base of a large oak tree. A small picnic basket sat on one corner of the quilt, one flap dangerously open. The center of the cloth was adorned with a clear vase, red roses poking out between a web of grass and ferns.

James placed his hand**s** on the girl's shoulders, leaning forwards enough to whisper into her ear, "Do you like it?" The girl nodded enthusiastically. "Good," he said, straightening up and placing his hands on his hips. He side-stepped around her, sitting down **no need for it here **at the base of the tree and leaning against the trunk. He stretched his legs out in front of him, motioning for her to come and sit by him. "Well? Come on, Lily. I won't bite or anything."

"No," Lily said, joining him, "I suppose not." She knelt in front of him, placing her hands neatly on her lap. As she slid into position, the blanket wrinkled beneath her.

"Hey, hey, hey!" James held his hands up in a defensive position, waving them back and forth. "I worked really hard setting this up and you ruin it sitting down?"

"Ooh, sorry!" Lily gasped as she turned to straighten the cloth.

James chuckled. "I was only joking," he said, pulling her back by her shoulder. "Now, listen, Lily. The reason I brought you here (**or, if you want a pause, "The reason I brought you here… it was to tell you that…) **was to tell you that . . . I love you."

"Oh, I've known that, James Potter," she replied, "since about first year. Who do you take me for?"

"No, Lily, you don't quite get it. I love you more then anything. Each moment that I am away from you, I feel like . . . like I'm missing something. And when I'm with you, it's like I can't breath, but the thing is, I don't care. I would die for you, Lily. I just get so . . . so happy, I guess, knowing that you are here with me. It's like I'm floating, and I can't get my feet on the ground."

James slid his fingers beneath the fabric they sat on. "And, well," he stalled as he pulled his hand out, holding it before Lily, palm down. "Lily Evans, my one and only, will you do me the honor of . . . of becoming Misses Lily Potter?"

The auburn-haired girl gasped as James flipped his hand over, revealing a small velvet covered box. He opened it slowly, as if to suspend the moment. Inside of it was a silver ring with thin blue writing encircling it. A small, yet hefty bloodstone was embedded in it, a symbol of her birth month.

**Wow… what will Lily say? I guess I'll have to wait for the next bit… **

**Your skills are quite admirable I must say. Most people neglect description and write dialogue only fictions. You also show a wide range of vocabulary (I had to go and check the dictionary for one or two!) and that's also a handy quality. You just have to avoid using words that have similar meanings.**

**Hope you send the rest soon!**

**Drommen**


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